Society’s Letter to an Adoptee

Dear Adoptee,

It is our understanding that your mother cannot provide for you, so we will be sure to take full responsibility for placing you in the best home possible. Although no price can be put on a human life, please be advised legal fees will run up to nearly $35,000.

It is our understanding that from the time that you were five months old, you recognized your mother’s voice, scent, language. This is why it is imperative that from the moment you are born, we have to separate you from her immediately. Evidence has shown that you will probably cry day and night because you are afraid that the only person you have ever known is missing. Pretty soon, we’ll be sure to advise you that referring to this person as your “mother” will be deemed highly inappropriate and we will be sure to call you an unappreciative, angry adoptee for showing this type of animosity towards the people who adopted you. You are also discrediting our largest marketing tool, which is that you are a “blank slate” and that genetics play no role outside your looks.

We completely understand that you have way more in common with your biological relatives than just your looks. You likely act a lot like them too. You share plenty of interests. You share talents and research has even shown that there are major patterns in career choices among blood relatives. But, if we were honest with a lot of our prospective adoptive parents, we wouldn’t be making any money, now would we? We are a 14 BILLION dollar industry! That’s not money you see every day!

So, we do what we can to protect that slogan. In 44 states, we will seal your birth certificate. In all honesty, it’s really none of your business where you’re from. When your parents handed us a big hefty check and promised to take care of you, we made sure to do whatever was in our power to ensure them that you were theirs AND ONLY theirs. If you had a name prior to being adopted, we didn’t inform them. So, you will be receiving a brand new name, much like the witness protection program. Be advised that you will be receiving a surname and we cannot ensure that you will have any connection to it. For instance, if you are Asian, you may receive an American last name with your new identity. If you are American, we are likely to supply you with a Hispanic last name. Please be advised that this identity crisis will go on for your entire life. You will spend endless hours explaining why it is that you have the last name you do when you look vastly different from another person that will have this last name. Be prepared to hear inappropriate comments during this time by others who will call your first mother a villain, telling you that she abandoned you. Be prepared for us to tell you that you are endowed to your second parents and referring to them as a savior. We completely understand your frustration, however. But, in this society, these are the rules. You are expected to keep your first boyfriend in your heart forever,┬ábut expect different about your first mother.

If you left any siblings behind in your first family, you are likely to long for their presence growing up. After all, siblings are your closest genetic mirror. Unlike your parents, they contain DNA from both your parents, just like you! It’s quite common that you find you have more in common with them than you think. You will have similar personalities and temperaments. However, once again, we advise you to keep all emotions to yourself so that you don’t make the rest of society feel uncomfortable.

Please make an effort to conform to the culture you were given. To make your personality more similar to those around you. To not burden us with how you’re different and how your family is different from those children who are born to their families naturally. Make an effort to fit in. Put your interests on the back burner. You owe it to your saviors to keep that old identity sealed and conform to the new one we gave you. After all, it cost $35,000.





Why I’m fed up completely with FIU

Not too long ago, I would have signed up to be a crusader for my school. But, as a student, I feel completely and totally cheated out of my graduate school experience due to lack of advising. I was accepted as a full time graduate degree seeking student in October of 2015, although, at this point, I was already taking courses. However, it has been since this time that I have tried to get in touch with an adviser. It was only yesterday that someone bothered to tell me that I needed to fill out a particular form in order to ensure that the classes I took, at this same institution, would be counted towards my program. I have to ask myself, why didn’t anyone tell me this earlier?

I am working towards this career because I have significantly been disheartened regarding working with children, parents, and administration. The field of education is a “height-ist” industry, but I will get into that in another post. I am really satisfied with my current career. For the first time in my life, I am being valued for my credentials and my job performance, rather than judged by how far off the floor my head is or by my youthful complexion. But, I’m regressing. So, I decided to take a course, “Educational Psychology,” thinking that it’s principles would apply across the board of education. I was so wrong! Without any voice, I was placed a group whose assigned project was on sixth grade reading comprehension. I work with people primarily between the ages of 18-25. I help people decipher on a career of choice. I am heavily involved in running university operations daily. Please tell me about how the thousands of dollars that were paid towards this course are relevant to my job? The disservice wasn’t just done to me, but also to the office human resources, who are so generously waiving my tuition under the presumption that my school work ties into my job.

I feel that being accepted into this program was a huge accomplishment on my part. From the time that I started my undergraduate career, I has been a dream of mine to graduate with my master’s degree. But, I’m disappointed in the unprofessional manner with which students are being handled in the program.

Additionally, choosing courses has been quite a challenge, being it that all of the classes fill up so quickly. I am saddened, particularly because I was interested in attempting to graduate by December in order to fulfill my dream of moving from this city and beginning a new chapter in my life in a two-story house with my fur children. But, due to lack of class availability, it doesn’t seem that this will even be an option. Being it that I am in graduate school I’m not sure why I have to share that same burden with an undergraduate student. Graduate students should be assured a spot in the courses they would like to be taking the following semester. Aside from that, I am also an employee at the university, which, I believe, should guarantee me some sort of priority in picking classes, since I donate 40 hours of my week to this institution. Since my schedule can be verified by a simple click, I should be able to chose a schedule without running into any issues.

While for many people, careers are chosen because it is related to a fabulous experience, I can attest that for me, it has been the opposite. Lack of advising and common sense on the part of this institution has led me to encourage reform. Why do I want to advise? Why do I want to help students? Well, the way I see it, I do many things because it is what I wish I would have had differently in my life. I went to a school all of my life where I was severely psychologically and emotionally abused. Rather than running off and never looking back, I attempted to become a teacher to ensure that never happened to another child. In some regards, I’m grateful for this experience, because it prompts me to do better, to treat students better, and be the person that I never had the chance to encounter.




“Protecting the birthmother” conspiracy

As for my last post, I have received questions as to why the adoptees should know the identity of the birthmother. What if she had an affair and didn’t want anyone to know? What if it was a secret, etc. etc. This seems to be one of the biggest fears towards opening up adoption records and original birth certificates for adult adoptees. However, I think that what we fail to realize is that this document already exists and cannot, under any circumstances be altered. That is why an amended one is issued. The document documenting adopted person’s birth already exists somewhere, in some vault. Our very own birth records and medical records, prior to being adopted already exist with our birth parent’s names, birth names, birth locations, dates, etc. Every person has the right to know who gave birth to them, and this includes situations regarding surrogacy as well. Birth certificates, in these situations, should reflect that a surrogate carried the child and the biological parents are so and so— and so and so. No person… let me repeat that… NO PERSON should EVER be lied to about who gave birth to them.

Adoption is about the child, not the parents. Adoption is not an answer to your secrets. Six different states already issue a consent form where the biological parents can decide whether or not they would like the adult child to initiate contact. This is the ultimate solution, as you can hide it from the spouse you’ve been cheating in, if that’s your biggest fear. If you gave your child up in secret, you must realize that your secrets will follow you, regardless of whether or not that child initiates contact. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But, one day, it will. It takes two to tango. You didn’t make that baby on your own. What would happen if the biological father initiates contact, and outs you as the biological mother? What if the court opens up the birth certificate because of a medical emergency? Secrets have a way of finding you. Your secrets don’t come at the expense of another person’s rights.

Some people think that this would prompt the above person to have an abortion. However, I disagree and remind you that abortions also have a way of haunting you. Many abortions cause medical conditions down the line. If you are ever hospitalized, you would have to advise medical personnel. It doesn’t disappear into thin air. The moment that you conceive a child in your womb, you will carry that child with you forever. Even if you miscarry. Also consider… people who consider adoption in a world where abortion is so accessible, is far less likely to be considering abortion at all. So, this argument is not valid.

In conclusion, hidden identity is painful. No one should subject an entire population to it based off of your perceptions.