As for my last post, I have received questions as to why the adoptees should know the identity of the birthmother. What if she had an affair and didn’t want anyone to know? What if it was a secret, etc. etc. This seems to be one of the biggest fears towards opening up adoption records and original birth certificates for adult adoptees. However, I think that what we fail to realize is that this document already exists and cannot, under any circumstances be altered. That is why an amended one is issued. The document documenting adopted person’s birth already exists somewhere, in some vault. Our very own birth records and medical records, prior to being adopted already exist with our birth parent’s names, birth names, birth locations, dates, etc. Every person has the right to know who gave birth to them, and this includes situations regarding surrogacy as well. Birth certificates, in these situations, should reflect that a surrogate carried the child and the biological parents are so and so— and so and so. No person… let me repeat that… NO PERSON should EVER be lied to about who gave birth to them.
Adoption is about the child, not the parents. Adoption is not an answer to your secrets. Six different states already issue a consent form where the biological parents can decide whether or not they would like the adult child to initiate contact. This is the ultimate solution, as you can hide it from the spouse you’ve been cheating in, if that’s your biggest fear. If you gave your child up in secret, you must realize that your secrets will follow you, regardless of whether or not that child initiates contact. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But, one day, it will. It takes two to tango. You didn’t make that baby on your own. What would happen if the biological father initiates contact, and outs you as the biological mother? What if the court opens up the birth certificate because of a medical emergency? Secrets have a way of finding you. Your secrets don’t come at the expense of another person’s rights.
Some people think that this would prompt the above person to have an abortion. However, I disagree and remind you that abortions also have a way of haunting you. Many abortions cause medical conditions down the line. If you are ever hospitalized, you would have to advise medical personnel. It doesn’t disappear into thin air. The moment that you conceive a child in your womb, you will carry that child with you forever. Even if you miscarry. Also consider… people who consider adoption in a world where abortion is so accessible, is far less likely to be considering abortion at all. So, this argument is not valid.
In conclusion, hidden identity is painful. No one should subject an entire population to it based off of your perceptions.